Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Randomize
