I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I could fuck to npr.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
