Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
