Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
