idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
