Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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