Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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