i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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