Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
