I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
