Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
