can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Randomize
