So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
