I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
