I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
