party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
