Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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