dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
