you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
