I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
