that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
oh god was she eating orange peels again
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
