Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
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