Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
