one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
