he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize