He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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