Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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