hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
