Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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