Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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