If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
