You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
