first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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