I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize