i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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