He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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