Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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