i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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