your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
i don't like sucking hair
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
