After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
