Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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