three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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