i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize