Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
The Olympian is in my bed
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
