i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
