his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
