Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
