I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
