I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
