Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize