Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
