she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
