Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I skipped work to stalk him.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Randomize
