saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
