I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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