listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Holy shit dude........stairs
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