I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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