i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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