i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
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