I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
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