How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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