So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Buhtt sex?
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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