I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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