i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
