If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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