if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
