Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize